| Need to just talk... |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
I know, I know...I don't use this much anymore. Won't lie to anyone and try to pretend I'll be using this a lot. I just needed to talk, and this is the most private form of it I can think of...
Yes, I know...internet...private...lol...
But if I blog on Facebook or MySpace it's guaranteed to be seen by my coworkers. Therefore, to LJ I come.
I guess this entire thing has to start with a quickie update. I'm back to running a night club. This particular night club is located in a hotel. We're having a lot of success at the club. Revenues are up, costs are down, and everything is going really well.
So that brings us mostly up to date. The hotel management staff is like 12 or 13 of us. We're overseen by a general manager, and there are a bunch of us who all oversee departments; guest services, hotel, restaurant, sales, housekeeping, maintenance, etc...etc...
Every Wednesday we have Staff Meetings, where all of management sits in a room and discusses things that involve the hotel and where we might need help. These meetings typically begin and end with comments and things that the GM needs...
Today, at the end of the meeting he talked about what an exciting week it had been. He got a new cell phone, and a new Jaguar. Then he put in a bid on a new house which is exciting. His wife is due in January, they're going to have their first little girl to go with their boy. He also got a new job...
Yeah...he just slid that in at the end...
I'm in shock. He's really a huge part of the reason I took the job. I don't want to be working at four o'clock in the morning as a night club manager when I turn 40. He was the guy who was teaching me the hotel business. I wanted him to stick around another two years or so, so I could learn his job, and then he could leave and I could have his job.
I know, that was the ideal world, not a real one. :) On the other hand, I did want to learn the hotel business. I did want to move forward as a professional. I know the food and beverage industry, I wanted to learn the rooms side, and the sales side...and so much more, revenue projections, etc...etc...
You know...it's the way people are resistant to change. I don't want change right now. I want to go to work every day with the same people I was working with before. I want to do my job, learn new things, and not worry about who is going to say what about my job performance.
I don't want a new boss...I just got done training the old one... |
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| I come scurrying back to LiveJournal... |
[May. 1st, 2009|04:38 pm] |
I guess since I'm coming back to LJ, I should really post a photo of me that isn't a million years old...
So...why am I coming back to LJ?
That's simple...privacy. :)
What!?!? LJ is more private than my other blogging options?
Well, of course it is. I have always held out my LiveJournal address from people who I see in my day to day life. MySpace and Facebook, which had become my primary blogging options, are chock full of people whom I see in my day to day life, therefore they are a bad place to discuss things which may obliquely be traced back to one of those people...
Plus, I recently took over managing a night club, and since the night club is on my MySpace and Facebook friend's lists, my employees have recently taken to sending me friend requests. Since I have a few employees who I count as friends I accepted those requests. Then, when I began to get them from other employees I felt obligated to accept those as well, so that I don't seem to be showing favoritism...
So yeah...now I'm back on LJ...
I'm going to use it as a place to complain about work, because I like to do that...
But today I'm going to use it to ask a question.
Recently someone I like a great deal, as a friend, announced that she is pregnant. The societal convention would be for all of her friends to congratulate her...
But I think it's horrible. I don't think this person has her life in Colorado together enough that she should be bringing another life onto the planet.
So...while everyone else is piling congratulations on her, I have yet to respond to the news...because I don't know how. I could simply lie and add some congratulations, but right now I'm leaning toward silence, and maybe hoping the news will scroll off her page and I can pretend I didn't see it...
Is that horrible? Should I just offer congratulations even if I believe that this is a horrible idea... |
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| Maybe back... |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|01:21 pm] |
Ok. I'm only writing this I test the livejournal app for my new iPhone. I make no promises about writing further. I might though, since my girlfriend Meave found this page and read the entire journal...all the way through from the beginning. Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| What do you do with your memories? |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|01:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine | ] |
What do you do with your memories?
So...I'm up too late at night again...and my head and I have been thinking.
What do you do with the good times?
Has anyone else ever asked themselves that question? I have friends in my life that, if the friendship ended tomorrow, I would be telling stories about them to my grandkids. I realized that a few days ago in regards to Ian (Papi on my top friends list). If it weren't for Ian I'm not sure that I would really even be in this world anymore. I don't think I show him enough appreciation to be honest, but his friendship was one of the reasons that I kept fighting, kept going to treatment, tried to take better care of myself. He was one of those people that helped to make life worth living. Ian wasn't the only one who fit into this category, there were certainly two other people, Amber and Lizz, but I think that I show them a lot of appreciation, I just show Ian abuse. :)
When we first met, and when people first meet us, I think they wonder how we're such good friends. At first glance it doesn't seem like we have a whole lot in common, but when you get to know us you realize we're a little more alike than is maybe comfortable. My friendship with Ian is one of those rare things friendships that you don't find very often, and I know that regardless of how it ever ends, if it ever ends (I can see us bartending together in a retirement home, running our wheelchairs into one another) that I'll still always hold the memories we've made near and dear to me.
But this isn't about Ian, or about any friendship that could end well. I'm wondering what you do with those friendships that end horribly. What started out as a great friendship grew into something that was more than friends, and less than being a couple. It ended ugly, with childish treatment on both sides (returning stuff through a mutual friend), and some nasty messages flowing from one person to the other.
So, despite my passing anger, I wonder. I mean, we shared some things that I enjoyed. God knows I'm not going to stop attending the church she introduced me to, because I enjoy the services there. I'm not going to stop going to some of the places we would go regularly to eat. Sure, they might have been places she introduced me to, but I like the pizza over at that one place. :) I'm going to want to share that with someone who is actually important in my life, because it was good food and I liked the place.
I've taken the things she left behind and packed them up, unable to decide between using them as firestarter material or donating them to Goodwill. I've removed from my room and my house anything that I was keeping around for her or her daughter (who is totally blameless and adorable, but reminds me of her).
But what do you do with those memories? I certainly had fun. What do you with those nights where you kill three hours in bed, doing things I won't write about, right after leaving church and before going to work. (Yes, I understand the hypocrisy of going from church to home to do those things, thanks for understanding God is perfect, but I'm human.)
It seems like if I see something, or hear something, that reminds me of one of those good memories, it's followed swiftly by some memory that makes me want to punch an effigy. :) I'm far better off now than I was two weeks ago, the loss of negative influences in my life has made me happier, healthier, and tons more fun to be around. Truthfully, everything has improved since then, the job situation is better, the relationships with my real friends are better, everything is better, but what do you do with those memories.
I kinda wish I could call the Haitian in and have him pluck some of those things out of my head. (I hope you all watch Heroes and got that reference. If you don't watch it you've now missed two seasons and need to get on the ball!)
But I'm curious...what do you do with those memories? How do you handle those things? Do the bad things eventually stop popping into your head? Does the disappointment that comes from thinking you know someone and then being totally wrong go away? I had some fun times in three months, and I'd like to remember the fun times without the crappy attitude, bad times, and lies that seem to pop into my head right after them.
On a side note...I am again making an effort to quit smoking. It may sound weird, but I switched from my regular Marlboro Light Menthols, to the regular Marlboro Menthols, in an effort to quit smoking. I don't like them as much, and therefore I've been smoking far less over the last three days.
I'm getting into the car on December 23rd to drive to Texas, and when I get in that car I will be accompanied by a large bottle of Pepsi and a big bag of Combos, but no cigarettes. I will be a non-smoker again by that time...
God willing... |
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| Long quizzy thing from Roly... |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|11:46 am] |
1) Are you an Aunt/Uncle?
Yes I am...two nieces and a nephew...wait...three nieces, my little brother just had his first.
2) Can you do a cartwheel?
Ummmm...can you pick me up afterwards?
3) What was the last movie you saw in theaters.
Enchanted...I went with a four year old.
4) Do you eat vegetables regularly?
Yeah...I eat at Soup Plantation quiet a bit.
5) If you were going to get a body piercing, where would you get it?
Probably my tongue.
6) Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex?
Mostly.
7) What is the weather like right at this very moment?
Cold...but not raining like it was before.
8) What is something that you can't wait for?
Hard to say.
9) How many times have you been to Canada?
A couple.
10) Have you ever had a reptile as a pet?
I had some Bearded Dragons at one point.
11) What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
12) What song is on your myspace profile right now?
Cablecar, but it's not the original recording, it's an acapella cover.
13) Who was your last missed call on your cell phone?
Lizz
14) Where are you most ticklish?
Feet.
15) How many hours a week do you normally work?
Ten or fifteen hours.
16) Who's your number 1 on myspace?
My sister Lisa...my top line is all family, and they're in family order.
17)Do you have deep dark secret?
Plenty.
18) When was the last time you were sick?
This whole last week.
19) What color is your car?
Green
20) How many siblings do you have?
Three...two older sisters and a younger brother...look at the first three people on my friends list.
21) Have you ever gotten caught sneaking out?
Yeah...but it was years ago.
22) Did you ever try running away from home when you were younger?
Not really.
23) What makes you the happiest?
My friends.
24) How do you feel when you see a child at the store throwing a "Tantrum"?
Most embarrassed. Those parents should get things right at home before they take the kid out. :)
25) Where do you want to be right now?
This is weird...but I kinda wish I was in Colorado for a few days.
26) Have you ever finished a Rubik's Cube?
Yeah.
27) When is the last time you drank too much?
Been about two months...
28) When was the last time you rode a bike?
I actually do that quite a bit now...when the weather is decent.
29) Do you have any vacation plans for this summer?
Nope.
30) Where were you 1 hour ago?
At my desk, writing that post about religion.
31) Who will be your next kiss?
No idea.
32) Do you kiss a lot of people?
This is a loaded question. I'm never kissing more than one at a time...
33) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope...but I should be. My feet are cold.
34) When was the last time you went out of state?
Not recently enough.
35) Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Nope, it was more than five days ago.
(where is 36??)
37) What are you wearing right now?
Yankees hoodie, fleece pants.
38) What was your last purchase?
Groceries. :)
39) Last thing you ate?
I'm on my third cup of herbal tea...but eating...oh wait...I had a sandwich yesterday.
40) Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Nope.
41) Are you a sexual predator?
Great question. :) Thanks for asking, but no.
42) What is in the backseat of your car?
Nothing...it's clean.
43. Three words to explain why you last threw up?
Don't remember the last time I threw up.
44. What is the equation for the Pythagorean theorem?
A squared + B squared = C squared
45. What was the last movie you watched?
Something New...it was recommended to me because of a dating situation. :)
46. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
Better than Bratz.
47. What kind of car does your father drive?
He was last driving a Nissan SUV.
48. Do you like scrabble?
Sorta
49. Where did you attend high school?
Westminster High, Westminster, CA.
50. Favorite scent?
Honey, roses, peaches.
51. Do you like mornings?
Some of them...not when it's this cold.
52. Last television program you watched?
Friday Night Lights.
54. Does your neighbor have an animal that annoys you?
Nope.
55. Does your family own any boats?
Nope.
56. Something you can't live without?
My cell phone.
57. Do you wear flip flops constantly?
I hate the darn things.
59. Do you have air conditioning in your room?
Yup.
60. Have you ever kissed your dog?
Of course.
61. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I slept through it.
62. How often do you read books?
I read about two novels a week.
65. Describe the computer you are currently using?
Mac Powerbook G4.
66. How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
An hour...sometimes ninety minutes.
67. Will you donate your organs after you pass?
Yup.
69. Would you ever get your nipple pierced?
Ouch.
70. If you could pick one person to be with forever who would it be?
Do I have to? I haven't met that person yet. |
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| Religion...you may want to skip it... |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|11:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
DISCLAIMER!
As the title says, this post is about religion, so many of you may find it offensive. Please feel free to skip it now, delete me from your friends list, or flame me in the comment section. :)
END OF DISCLAIMER!
I am a good Catholic...and in my mind, by extension, a good person. Okay, maybe it is more appropriate to say that I strive to be a good Catholic, and by extension a good person. No one is perfect except God, but I do my best to live by the examples he set for us.
Being a good Catholic is important to me, and the Catholic Church is important to me, not just in my own personal life, but in my social life. I left the church once, when I was dating, and then eventually married, to Michelle. That difference in our lives, she wasn't raised in a religious family at all, was one of the things that led to our downfall. The baptism of my daughter was something that was important to me, even though I had left the church for a while, and to her it was not important, and was in fact, something she thought shouldn't happen at all. Her opinion was somewhere around the lines of "who are you to decide the religion of my daughter?"
Yeah...this was probably something we should have discussed before she got pregnant, but never once have I said that was intentional. I love my daughter, and am thankful that God added her to my life, but I certainly didn't see her plan when it was unfolding, and really don't totally understand it now.
Oh yeah, so Michelle and I get divorced...and Mary and I start dating. By this point I've been away from the church for four years or so, and Mary and I weren't exactly what you would call "Good Catholics", but it didn't bother me then because I'd been away for so long...That's not to say that either one of us were bad people...I bear her no ill will. Things were what they were, and I learned from her, grew as a person, and had some good times.
Mary's family was Catholic though, and I remember attending Christmas services with them. This was important to me because I was fresh off the fight with Michelle over religion. It was nice to know that if for some reason it was long-term and Mary and I ever ended up together it was one thing we wouldn't fight over.
It was after Mary and I broke up, and more important, during cancer treatments last year, that I finally really returned to the church.
I know, the hypocrisy of that might be horrible. During cancer treatments I chose to return to God. That's sort of the point of this post today. Can you be a good Catholic if you're turning to God only in times of need? How many of us consider ourselves good Catholics, or good Christians, yet we only find ourselves in prayer when we need something?
Isn't it important to find time in our lives to thank God for what he has given us? Even when we're having times of trial, when we're asking God for his help with something, shouldn't we also take the time to thank God for what he has given us?
I found myself asking God for his help a lot in the last few weeks of the relationship with Erin. She had become, how do you put this nicely, emotionally unstable? We've broken off contact since the day after Thanksgiving, which is cool. I mean, I don't miss the headaches or the heartaches...but when I went to God and asked his help in getting over this I realized that I forgot to do something...
I forgot to take time to thank him for everything else. I forgot to thank him for my health. I forgot to thank him for the wonderful people who are my roommates and best friends. I forgot to thank him for my family.
Why do we do this? Do we all do this? Have I babbled for a long period of time and you're now all thinking that I'm crazy?
Well...it's time to go be productive. I hope you're all having a good time, and if you're a person who does prayer, make sure to say thanks next time you're doing it. If you have an extra second, thank Him for me too, I don't seem to do it enough. |
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| Update... |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|06:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | XM 32 - The Message | ] |
My absences are getting shorter, and my posts are getting more consistent! Yay me!
Last time I was here I posted that little quiz about seven shows and your favorite characters. Tristanter ruined it for most of you when she nailed either four or five of them. I went back and wrote about the characters that she got right, so you can all laugh at the way my brain works there.
I can't tell you how weird it feels to be typing on a full-size keyboard right now. I've been a laptop user forever, but one of my roommates is out of town and his computer is in the garage taking up space. I was going to use the very impressive and expensive computer to play some WoW, then I decided I would come here instead. I type pretty well on my laptop, but I love the way my fingers just fly over a real keyboard. I took one of those goofy typing tests for a job recently and they said I'm over 70wpm with over 90% accuracy. Makes me happy...
So...Turkey Day...or as I like to call it...
An American Celebration of the Slaughter of Indigenous Peoples
I know, I understand why we went with Thanksgiving instead...it's a lot shorter.
I spent the day with Erin's family. Erin is the girl I'm sort of dating. It's definitely not serious, and probably not moving that way very quickly, but we hang out, do stuff together, talk a lot. It's dating...but it's not a couple thing. :)
It was a lot of fun. She was raised by her grandparents, who I had met at church already, and the event took place at their house. Grandma's sister was there, I guess that would be Erin's great-aunt...right? I don't know...but Grandma's sister, her husband, their kids...etc...
All in all it was 20 people or so jammed into a double-wide in one of those cute little Active Senior Communities. Not all of them were family, as some of the residents of the community don't have family around, so they got invited to join the celebration with us. It was cute. Erin has a daughter whose birthday falls around Thanksgiving every year, she'll be four Sunday, and it seemed like every elderly couple in the complex knows her. They all hug her, and say hello to her...it was cute.
So, yeah...most of the standard Thanksgiving fair. There was turkey, cranberry stuff, mashed potatoes, etc. There was also some stuff I'd never really thought of as Thanksgiving food too. The stuffing had carrots and dried cranberries in it, which was different for me. There was really yummy, home-made, mac and cheese...which was amazing. There was prime rib, which seems more like a Christmas thing to me...but what do I know?
So yeah, met lots of family...seemed to get along with them. Her grandmother will be gone for Christmas, but grandma's sister asked me to please join them for Christmas, which means I won't spend this Christmas like I did last...sitting at home alone playing video games.
The holidays this year can't possibly be as bad as they were last year...but I must say I find myself actually happy right now...looking forward to them even.
Hope everyone else had a great turkey day as well! |
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| From rolypoly |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|10:41 pm] |
1. Post a list of seven TV shows you love (current or canceled).
2. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each show.
3. When guessed, bold the line and write a little bit about why you like that character.
1. Buffy
2. Angel - Wesley (Guessed by Tristanter)
Wesley is one of those characters I love because of the growth he exhibited. He went from being Wesley Wyndham Price, the update, not very efficient, Watcher with two Slayers. Then he became the "Rogue Demon Hunter" who still wasn't very good at anything. As he grew into himself through the passage of five seasons I started to love this character.
3. Heroes - Officer Matt Parkman (Tristanter)
Parkman is one of those characters I love because I feel like he really cares about the people around him. He wants to do the right thing, and he tries to do the right thing. Sometimes this can be tough for him, because he can control people's minds, and that ability comes with certain temptations.
4. Veronica Mars - Logan Echolls (Tristanter)
What made Logan my favorite character was that through everything that happened, nothing ever really changed for Logan. He loved Veronica, he just had no idea how to properly express it. I've been stuck in that type of relationship, where everything should be easy, but really nothing is. They both care for one another, but they both communicate so horribly they really have no idea. Logan, much like me, makes poor decisions, but he makes them because he cares, and because he wants to do right...most of the time.
5. How I Met Your Mother - Barney (Tristanter)
Barney just rocks. He makes me laugh every single week. Can't ask for more than that. The honorable mention here is Robin...she's smoking hot and Canadian.
6. Friday Night Lights
7. Smallville - Lex (Tristanter)
This one is actually tough. Lex was my runaway favorite for five seasons. Then season six happened...and now season seven, and I'm just not sure I even really enjoy the show anymore.
Have fun...I promise I will write about why they're my favorite characters. :) |
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| Writing... |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | irritated | ] |
You know me, I'm writing just to write. :)
I got back on the rollerblades tonight, and met some other people who play hockey, so this Saturday I'm going to roll out of bed way early and go play a little pick-up game at 8:30 in the morning. It should be good for me. I was able to move laterally on the skates tonight, but since I didn't have pads with me I don't know how well I'll be able to butterfly, or move side to side.
Tomorrow night I'm thinking I'll take all the pads with me and strap them on, see if I can do it. What's the worst that can happen, right?
So...we sorta hit the first rough patch tonight in the saga with the new girl. We ran into some friends of her, because we went to the pool hall she used to hang out at. She still knew some of the employees although she hadn't been there in years...but when she introduced me she said.
"This is my friend John."
Yeah...so I felt like shit. I mean, there are people who she's around all the time who she isn't ready to tell what's going on, but these are people she hasn't seen in years. I understand not telling everyone what's going on, but when you randomly wander into a place and see people you haven't seen in years, why would you do this?
Then she tells me she's going out with some of her friends tonight, including her roommate. This is the roommate who is trying to set her up with someone else from her work. But she tells me she doesn't want me to come along, even though one of the employees at the bar she's going to has been hitting on her. She tells me that it doesn't matter though, and she says "I'm already dating the only person I'm interested in."
Yeah...so...whiskey tango foxtrot?
I'm annoyed...and I hate it when I get annoyed by stupid stuff.
That's all I want to talk about now. I'm out of here... |
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| From my phone... |
[Nov. 10th, 2007|01:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
So, this post might come out a little funny looking. Erin is in the house getting ready for church, and I'm outside smoking. Curiousity got the better of me and I decided to see if I could do this from my phone.
Guess I can. That makes me happy, because now I can write random posts anywhere!
So yeah...today I did something I hadn't done since I moved to California. I strapped on the K2's and went rollerblading. For those of you who know how horrible my knees are you understand what a feat this is.
Erin owns a pretty nice pair of skates, which she didn't really know how to use before today, so we started working on that. Now she can move forwards and kinda turn...which is progress. Go her!
Well...I'm going to hit the shower and get ready for church now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend! |
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| Rhetorical questions... |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|06:58 pm] |
Well...maybe not rhetorical...but weird nonetheless.
From the perspective of guys out there, how many years younger would you date a girl?
From the perspective of girls out there, how many years older would you date a guy?
From the perspective of a parent, how old would a guy have to be before it made you nervous that your 24 year old daughter was dating him?
All of those are seemingly random questions...but they need some background. Let's start with two years ago, the last time I was in Colorado.
While I was there I spent some time with this girl. We never really dated. We were, I guess, friends with benefits. We had been before I moved here that June, and we spent a few days together that Christmas. While I was there I was reminding myself of the reasons that we could never be anything more than FWB. The list really started with one thing...she was only 22...and I was 30. So, there was an eight year gap in ages.
The list included more things than that, like the fact that I would never live in Colorado again because I love San Diego. Like the fact that I would never ask anyone to move for me, especially a single mother with two kids. I guess two years ago you could have even put her two kids (from two previous marriages even though she was only 22 at the time) on the list of reasons it would never work.
But, at the same time, I was always a little curious, and with her recent decision to start writing to me again that curiousity has returned...
Now, fast forward to today. I'm in a relationship of sorts. Many of the things that I thought were wrong with this girl in Colorado apply to this girl in California, and I don't think any of them are wrong. They're the same age, so apparently the 8 years doesn't matter to me...although for some reason I think the difference between 22 and 30 is different than the difference between 24 and 32...does that make sense? The girl I'm seeing here has a four year old daughter, who I adore...and who I don't think of as a burden or a problem for our relationship for even one second. I love the Monster. (in caps because it's her nickname, not to be rude.)
There is one huge difference though. This girl in California tells me she's going to fall for me, and that it scares me. This girl in Colorado tells me she still thinks about me all the time, wants to know how I'm doing, and that I should just come back to Colorado.
I'm curious to know what things would have been like...wait...strike that. I know what they would have been like. She was definitely too immature at that point in time (witness two marriages and divorces before 22). It would have been fun for a while and a disaster when it ended...
On the other hand, it feels really good to have someone tell you that they still think of you, and want you in their life...while the girl you're seeing is telling you "I'm going to fall for you, and that scares me."
Yeah...this rant was brought to you by confused John...
Maybe he should start drinking... |
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| The Good Earth and Panther |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|01:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
Yeah, so this is one of those fluff posts that I like to write just to make sure I'm writing something...gotta stay in that writing mode.
Last week Erin handed me her favorite book of all time, and call me shocked to find out that the book was The Good Earth, from the 1938 Nobel Prize winner for Literature, Pearl S. Buck. The story chronicles the life of Wang Lung, a poor farmer in China prior to the revolution, and following him from about the age of 30 until the last years of his life. The writing is...amazing doesn't seem like the right word, but it's the best I can do right now.
Not just the flourid style the book is written in, but the depth with which the characters are developed, are all amazing. The book does an amazing job of evoking emotions, making you love and hate nearly every character at some point throughout their lives. They struggle, they triumph, they love, they cheat, they make good decision and tragic ones.
If you're capable of reading, and enjoy historical fiction, I would highly enjoy it.
So, enough about the book I got done reading last week.
Let's talk about the movie I'm watching right now instead. My roommate Ian told me it was 'time to get in touch with my blackness'...(his words, not mine)...so I'm currently sitting here watching Panther. I'll probably end up on some government list of potential Communists for even writing about this, but what the heck, it's what I'm doing right now.
When you hear the words "Black Panther" you think of some violent, militant, angry, armed people. Of course, right now they're sitting in a meeting repeating "F*ck Ronald Reagan" over and over, which is kinda amusing.
So yeah, about the angry people. Assuming all the stuff I'm seeing is true, and I'm sure that some of it isn't, many of the early works of the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense were good and decent works. They worked to keep traffic moving safely through a neighborhood after a child was run over. They distributed food to poor and needy families in the neighborhood.
Yeah, so the movie is actually entertaining, especially since I can't say whether or not any of it is true. So, just look at it as entertaining from the perspective of the under-educated white dude. :)
I hate when Ian does something like this to me. Now I'm entertained by the movie and curious to know how much of this stuff is true. This means I'll have to go to Barnes and Noble and buy a couple of books on the Panthers, and then I'll end up on another one of those government Communist lists...
I just can't win. My roommate is attempting to subvert me! |
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| My apologies... |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|01:42 pm] |
I don't think I did, but I wanted to apologize if I accidently flooded anyone's friend's page with posts that are a year old and more. I tried to back-date them all and hoped they would end up where they belonged, but I don't know if I did it correctly.
Mostly, the long and short of it is that I'm moving material from five or six other blogs I maintain all into this one.
So, if I did something wrong, and you know what I did wrong and can explain how not to do it again, that would totally rock. If you would like to catch up on anything you missed in the last...oh...12 months since I was writing here, there are about 8 or 10 posts from that time period that I moved to this account now. If you're bored you can go read them...somehow. :) |
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| Trying to get back into the writing mode... |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|01:41 pm] |
Yeah, so the title says it all. I'm trying to get back into that mode where I write on three different website each and every day.
So, we're gonna start with this one. This one is easy to write on, because I pick any topic I want and write anything I want.
Yesterday I wrote in this blog for the first time in a very long time, and it felt good. Then I went back through and read everything I had written in here since the very beginning of my MySpace account. That was a great deal of fun as well. I realized while I was reading all those old posts that there are areas of my life that I've totally changed in and grown into a much different person.
At the same time I've also realized that there are certain core values and beliefs that haven't changed at all, and probably never would.
More than a year ago I bitched and moaned about dating someone who wasn't Catholic (a mistake I made when I got married), and how I would never entertain a long-term relationship where her and I didn't share that same religious belief. Now I'm finally dating a nice Catholic girl.
A note on that for the people who have asked...but just a brief note. Yes, Amber and I were engaged. Yes, it moved way too quickly before we totally knew one another well enough to take that step. Yes, it is over. Yes, I do actually hope that she is well and happy.
No, I did not cheat on her. No, I did not break up with her because I thought I'd found something better. No, I will not answer your semi-rude questions about why we broke up.
Yes, I am now dating someone else. Yes, I did know her while Amber and I were together, but we didn't start talking and hanging out until Amber and I broke up. Before that she was some girl I knew at the bar. Yes, I am happy. No, I don't know exactly what's going on, but even if I did that's none of your business. :)
That's done...
Here's another fun thing I found in a past blog post, and I thought I would repost it for everyone.
You might be a redneck if...
Your 14 year old daughter smokes in front of HER kids.
Oh yeah, so more of that whole "What have I been doing" thing.
I think I mentioned yesterday that I found a new job, which starts next week. That means that this week I've been sitting around enjoying my last week of doing nothing. Of course, I haven't actually done that. Instead, I've been helping out the people who fired me.
I know, that's weird, but really I'm not angry at them, and I still call many people there my friends. They're decent people. Yesterday I went in and spent four hours redesigning all of their paperwork to handle liquor and beer orders and deliveries. Some things we're getting ordered, and it's possible that some things have been disappearing as well. Hopefully the new paperwork makes it easier to make sure things are ordered and to keep an accurate inventory.
Today I went back out to that old bar again, did a few hours this morning helping my old boss, his father, and one of my old coworkers, with some marketing materials for their property management company. Mostly I wrote some marketing letters that could be sent out to people who own rental properties.
Well, no mostly about it, that's exactly what I did.
Now though, I'm home. I've checked my e-mail, I've checked my MySpace page, I've sent a few text messages and I'm sitting here watching great TV. The only thing missing is a little time in Azeroth...so that's where I'm off to now.
Just for a little while though. The amazing Catholic girl gets off work in a few hours, and I'd like to take some time to improve her day if she'll let me. |
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| Cheesy Song Lyrics and a Brief Life Update... |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|02:54 pm] |
So yeah...a life update thingy...
I got let go from the bar a few months ago, and have just been doing the DJ thing and passing time with friends. I've been wandering around just about every day looking for a job, and now I have a new one of those as well. I'm supposed to start next week working in an office doing some internet work and taking care of customers for a major online retailer. I say 'major online retailer' because they do more than a million in business each month. I don't really want to spoil exactly where it is at right now because some people who read this will be getting their Christmas presents from there. :)
That's the professional thing. Let's move onto personal stuff.
For those of you out the loop, Amber and broke up. I don't hate it, I don't want other people to hate her. I don't wish evil, horrible things on her, and I don't want you to either. I really don't think about her much unless I see a member of her family or if someone asks me about it...that thankfully has stopped, because while I don't wish anything evil on her I also don't really want to try and dissect what went wrong or anything of that sort.
A little while after Amber and I split up I started dating a girl I had been friends with for a while. She's pretty much amazing; in that she's gorgeous, brilliant, has a great sense of humor, and we have a ton of interests in common. We'll see where that goes, but right now I think it's important that we're both enjoying the company of the other and having fun.
Now, I'm going to post cheesy song lyrics. I heard this song while I was driving home from the bar on Saturday night, and it made me think of her. I had to hunt down the song because I didn't know who it was or what it was called, but thankfully I tend to have a good memory when it comes to song lyrics, so my memory and Google were able to find the song.
After I hunted down the song I made it the centerpiece on one of those cheesy mix CD things that geeks like to make for people. What can I say, I think songwriters have already said everything the world needs to know, so some song will fit any mood or thought.
Oh yeah, cheesy song lyrics...
Take Me There
Rascal Flatts (I don't really like them...but cool lyrics)
There's a place in your heart, nobody's been.
Take me there.
Things nobody knows, not even your friends.
Take me there.
Tell me 'bout your momma, your daddy, your hometown.
Show me around, I wanna see it all, don't leave anything out.
I want to know, everything about you then.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,
Take me there.
Your first real kiss, your first true love,
You were scared, show me where.
You learned about life, spent your summer nights, without a care.
I want to roll down main street, the back roads,
Like you did when you were a kid, what made you who you are,
Tell me what your story is.
I want to know, everything about you then.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,
Take me there.
Yeah,
I want to know, everything about you,
Yeah, everything about you baby.
I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare.
Take me, take me, take me there,
Oh.
I want to roll down main street.
I want to know your hopes and your dreams.
Take me, take me there, Yeah.
So yeah, those lyrics pretty much made me think of her, so I had to go learn them and know them... :) They're very fitting lyrics because we've had hours and hours of conversation about her upbringing, and her family, and school when she was young, and so many other things along those lines.
Yeah...good song lyrics.
That's it. I need to go and shower, then watch some hockey and stuff before she comes over later and we watch Heroes. (If you're not watching Heroes you're totally lame and not cool...it rocks!) |
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| Quicky Update... |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|01:39 pm] |
I just wanted to write a quicky update because I'm not here very often anymore.
For those of you not in the know I'm disgustingly happy these days, and have really only been swinging by my house to grab clean clothing as I spend a great deal of time with Amber.
For those of you who haven't had the opportunity to meet Amber we will be making an appearance at Grappa's for Amy and Heather's birthdays. Mine is a few days before that and I'll be celebrating it mostly with Amber's family, who are an amazing group of people that have happily accepted me into their lives, nearly as much as Amber has.
I could sit here and gush for several thousand words about how happy I am and how much she means to me, but why would you want to read that? :)
Really, I can't sit here and gush for too long because I am getting ready to leave for her son's 8th Grade Continuation ceremony. Josh is headed off to high school next year, and today we get to go celebrate the end of the school year! We'll be leaving as soon as Hailey (her youngest at 9) is ready to go, so I can't still be typing when that rolls around.
So yeah, I'm disgustingly happy, but I'll make sure I make the rounds again sometime soon and come see everyone...
For those of you just noticing that my Birthday is appearing on your 'Upcoming Birthday Lists' please try to remember that I hate my birthday...:) Thanks! |
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| So, about last night... |
[May. 8th, 2007|01:38 pm] |
Last night I slept alone. I tossed and turned in my bed, noticed her smell on my pillow repeatedly, and eventually fell asleep squarely on my right arm. When I woke up thiis morning that arm was completely useless and it took it almost ten minutes to get blood back into it and for it to work again.
Oh well, I'm typing now...and this blog isn't about last night, it's about the night before.
I'm going to give the short version and then people can stop reading if they'd like.
Go to work. Meet pretty girl. Hang out with girl. Talk with girl. Enjoy girl's company. Be sad because girl isn't from here and is now gone.
That's the short version, but let's do the long version for those of you who are stuck at work and have nothing better to do than read my blog while you're there. :)
It all starts with me tending the bar again on Sunday during the day. I'm busy, humping my ass back and forth behind that bar when a lovely, no, lovely isn't the right word for it. Gorgeous doesn't really work either...I don't know if I can find a word good enough, and I know a lot of words. :)
So yeah, I'm busting my ass back and forth to get people their beer and so on when I notice the most stunning pair of blue eyes. They sit down, well, the whole girl, not just her eyes, at a seat in the middle of my bar and ask for a Corona.
I ask for ID...and get three pieces of information from the license. The girl is from Wyoming, which totally rocks because it gave us a topic of conversation to start with. I also got her name (not sharing right now), and her age (younger than me). I love being a bartender, all the cool things you get to know about someone before you give them a beer.
Throughout the two and a half hours she sat at that seat in the middle of my bar we talked about a lot of different things, and at one point I got her to trust me enough that she would drink whatever mixed drink I put in front of her. She had asked for an Adios Motherfucker, but the bar I was at didn't carry everything to make it, so I couldn't do that. I did, however, tell her that if she stuck around until I was off of work we would go to the other bar and get one.
And that we did. After talking and hanging out at Pierview we went to the O-Zone for a drink, and then I asked her if she would like to join me for Italian at Vigilucci's. Dinner came with two hours of the most wonderful conversation I have ever experienced, and a bottle of Shiraz.
As much as I love wine, I love that opening stage of a new relationship even more. Whatever kind of friendship or relationship it turns out to be, those opening stages are so much fun. We talked, told stories, discussed our siblings and our parents, music, religion, pop culture...the list just goes on and on. Two hours and one bottle of wine later the conversation had never quit, and I enjoyed every second of it.
After dinner we went to the coffee shop for coffee, and to sit around and sober up a little bit. At that point she'd been drinking for six hours or so, and I have been for five or so. The coffee was great and came with more fun conversation.
It was followed up by a return to the bar, where we didn't drink anything, but we did sit together and talk, enjoy some karaoke (you know, laughing at people), and she got to meet a lot of people who I know from the neighborhood. It was still pleasant, but eventually we got really tired and headed home.
The plan was she could just steal the couch, but we ended up falling asleep together curled up watching a movie. Mind out of gutter children, nothing else happened. We kissed a little bit, and that was it.
In the morning we rolled out of bed a little after six, went back to the coffee shop and then walked down the pier before she returned to visiting her friend.
It was just an amazing, magic-like night. I had such a great time and so much fun and I just hated that it had to end. I hated that she's now flying back to Wyoming to pack up and move to Utah. I just....grrrrr...
I have now truly and completely connected like this with two people since I moved here. One went back to Arkansas after her vacation was over (last summer) and the other went back to Wyoming. I'm beginning to think that I live in the wrong part of the country.
Oh well...I've talked for long enough. I just really hope that we both make an effort to stay in touch, and that I get to see her again soon. |
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| Ranting and Raving about a girl |
[Feb. 16th, 2007|01:37 pm] |
I don't even actually know where to start.
There's this girl who I've been hanging out with quite a bit since the first of the year. She's pretty, she's intelligent, we have a ton of interests in common.
We've been telling people that we're not dating, but there's been all the things that go along with dating. There have been expensive dinners, I bring her flowers, we go out to the movies, there's been sex...I mean, literally...all the things that go with dating.
Two or three nights ago my roommate Tracy and I had this discussion about how we're the type of people that are always trying to help others out...we're always giving when maybe we shouldn't.
Heck, last night this girl in question wasn't feeling well, so she asked me to bring her water and ginger ale, and then I rubbed her back and her feet.
Sound like dating to anyone else? It's important to remember I don't drive, so I have walked the two miles or so to her house several times.
Tonight we were hanging out at the bar, and we were going to go get dinner...
Then she ordered a third beer, and a fourth one, and probably a fifth and sixth one while I wasn't looking. Finally I asked if she would want to just make food later (she made an amazing grilled cheese sandwich last night when I went to take her water and ginger ale, so it sounded good again).
I thought the plan was for us to get out of there at a reasonable hour and then go to her house, where there would be food and then we'd fall asleep.
Truthfully I don't much like her when she's had a lot to drink to begin with. I already had sworn there would never be drunken sex again, because I just don't feel comfortable with that.
Guess that's not a problem for whoever she was kissing tonight though.
Yes, you read that right. I happened to wander into the bar to grab some water and there was the girl in question making out with someone.
So we went outside and talked...
"I told you I don't want anything serious," she started. "I'm not ready. I know with him it will just be sex."
Well go her. I guess I'm not the only one being used for things.
Now I'm pissed though. As I walked away from the bar I sent the following text message.
"We are not friends. I would prefer that you not come in tomorrow night. I will work it alone. If you feel like an adult conversation you can call me. The longer you wait the worse this will get."
Then I came home and started writing this.
Do I regret the text message? Nope. I'm tired of people taking advantage because I'm a nice person. I'm tired of giving, and giving, and giving and get shit on in return.
I'm tired of people saying one thing and then behaving completely differently.
Even this morning she asked if I could bring her some baklava to work and when I went to the market I got some for her, and brought her flowers because I know she likes them.
I guess some people are so psychologically screwed that all they can do is sleep around and use people, but I'm done. I will not be used anymore. The next two hundred people who ask me to do anything for them will be told to kiss my lilly white ass...
I can't do this anymore. For the first time in a month I woke up without pain in my neck and shoulders, and it was because her and I had a great night together last night. Now my head, my neck, my shoulders, my back, are all killing me, and I wish I could transfer just a small amount of this pain to her...
Like most of it...
Stupid b....
Oh well. I need to get some sleep and see if this anger goes away...
Highly unlikely...
And now it's recorded for posterity, so if I ever mention the guitar girl again in a positive light someone please shoot me... |
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| Girls! |
[Jan. 28th, 2007|01:36 pm] |
You!
Yes...you!
Look in the mirror, realize you are both the most confused, and most confusing, person walking on this planet.
You say there is nothing going on, and that you're not in a place where anything could possibly go on, but then you feel like you have 0200 calling rights?
Leave the poor guy alone! I mean, for God's sake, he likes you. It's time for you to shit or get off the pot!
Oh yeah...you, wondering if this about you. It's not. The girl I'm writing to doesn't actually read this, but the guy I'm writing about will read it and hopefully it'll wake him up! |
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| If you called me today... |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|11:35 pm] |
I was probably drunk, and you might want to disregard anything I said.
Last night before I went out to The Alley I had a bit of a spat with someone I've been hanging out with quite a bit. She and I aren't "dating" per se, although with the amount of time we've been spending together, and the activities that are taking place, it sure seems like freaking dating. I mean really, she comes and sees me at work, I go see her at work, we go out to dinner togather, we fall asleep on the couch watching 'Friends' together, we crawl into bed (not having sex, just sleeping) together...
Should I continue the list? Does it sound like dating to anyone else? In the discussions we've had it seemed like it would be accurate to say we are going on dates, but not dating, a distinction that befuddles me, but whiskey tango foxtrot, what do I know?
So yeah, the important part of that whole story is that we had a bit of a spat last night. I had spent Sunday night at her house, falling asleep watching Friends, getting up and moving to the bed together at about 1:00 AM. Then she got up and went to work at 6:30 or so, and I was up after that. I went to work at 8:00 AM, was running my ass off all day long, and when I next saw her at 4:00 PM or so I was exhausted.
She asked me to run some errands with her, and I did it despite being cranky and tired. That was a bad idea because when things took longer than I thought they would I got more pissy than I usually would and she got angry about that.
Then instead of dealing with it I went out to see my friends at The Alley and left it behind unresolved.
This morning was no better either, but that was for professional reasons, not personal.
For the second year in a row I was passed over for a job in Baghdad, which as crazy as it sounds is a job I really want. The kind people at the AP called me this morning and said that if I want an assignment in an overseas office, even a temporary one, I should get back into the newspaper business and start writing on a daily basis again.
In response to the combination of these two crappy things I started consuming wine at 10:00 AM this morning. I started with a bottle of Rosemont Shiraz, then had a bottle of Penfolds Shiraz, then a bottle of Jacob's Creek Shiraz, and finally started on a bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz. At some point in the early evening the girl in question called me and was very angry that I was drunk.
Woops...just can't win.
The fact is I do like her. I'm sorry that I made her mad last night, I'm sorry that she got me at pretty much the lowest I get today. When I decided that I had to stop drinking wine I went for a walk downtown to get coffee. I happened to run into her down there and she said she would call me later.
She never did, and now I am irritated with her...
Whatever...I guess I really should give up on this whole thing. Relationships only end in one of two ways, and they are both bad children.
1.) You break up.
2.) One of you dies.
Think about it, there is no other way for a relationship to end...
Oh well. Time for bed! |
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