| Need to just talk... |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
I know, I know...I don't use this much anymore. Won't lie to anyone and try to pretend I'll be using this a lot. I just needed to talk, and this is the most private form of it I can think of...
Yes, I know...internet...private...lol...
But if I blog on Facebook or MySpace it's guaranteed to be seen by my coworkers. Therefore, to LJ I come.
I guess this entire thing has to start with a quickie update. I'm back to running a night club. This particular night club is located in a hotel. We're having a lot of success at the club. Revenues are up, costs are down, and everything is going really well.
So that brings us mostly up to date. The hotel management staff is like 12 or 13 of us. We're overseen by a general manager, and there are a bunch of us who all oversee departments; guest services, hotel, restaurant, sales, housekeeping, maintenance, etc...etc...
Every Wednesday we have Staff Meetings, where all of management sits in a room and discusses things that involve the hotel and where we might need help. These meetings typically begin and end with comments and things that the GM needs...
Today, at the end of the meeting he talked about what an exciting week it had been. He got a new cell phone, and a new Jaguar. Then he put in a bid on a new house which is exciting. His wife is due in January, they're going to have their first little girl to go with their boy. He also got a new job...
Yeah...he just slid that in at the end...
I'm in shock. He's really a huge part of the reason I took the job. I don't want to be working at four o'clock in the morning as a night club manager when I turn 40. He was the guy who was teaching me the hotel business. I wanted him to stick around another two years or so, so I could learn his job, and then he could leave and I could have his job.
I know, that was the ideal world, not a real one. :) On the other hand, I did want to learn the hotel business. I did want to move forward as a professional. I know the food and beverage industry, I wanted to learn the rooms side, and the sales side...and so much more, revenue projections, etc...etc...
You know...it's the way people are resistant to change. I don't want change right now. I want to go to work every day with the same people I was working with before. I want to do my job, learn new things, and not worry about who is going to say what about my job performance.
I don't want a new boss...I just got done training the old one... |
|
|
| I come scurrying back to LiveJournal... |
[May. 1st, 2009|04:38 pm] |
I guess since I'm coming back to LJ, I should really post a photo of me that isn't a million years old...
So...why am I coming back to LJ?
That's simple...privacy. :)
What!?!? LJ is more private than my other blogging options?
Well, of course it is. I have always held out my LiveJournal address from people who I see in my day to day life. MySpace and Facebook, which had become my primary blogging options, are chock full of people whom I see in my day to day life, therefore they are a bad place to discuss things which may obliquely be traced back to one of those people...
Plus, I recently took over managing a night club, and since the night club is on my MySpace and Facebook friend's lists, my employees have recently taken to sending me friend requests. Since I have a few employees who I count as friends I accepted those requests. Then, when I began to get them from other employees I felt obligated to accept those as well, so that I don't seem to be showing favoritism...
So yeah...now I'm back on LJ...
I'm going to use it as a place to complain about work, because I like to do that...
But today I'm going to use it to ask a question.
Recently someone I like a great deal, as a friend, announced that she is pregnant. The societal convention would be for all of her friends to congratulate her...
But I think it's horrible. I don't think this person has her life in Colorado together enough that she should be bringing another life onto the planet.
So...while everyone else is piling congratulations on her, I have yet to respond to the news...because I don't know how. I could simply lie and add some congratulations, but right now I'm leaning toward silence, and maybe hoping the news will scroll off her page and I can pretend I didn't see it...
Is that horrible? Should I just offer congratulations even if I believe that this is a horrible idea... |
|
|
| Maybe back... |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|01:21 pm] |
Ok. I'm only writing this I test the livejournal app for my new iPhone. I make no promises about writing further. I might though, since my girlfriend Meave found this page and read the entire journal...all the way through from the beginning. Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
|
|
| What do you do with your memories? |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|01:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine | ] |
What do you do with your memories?
So...I'm up too late at night again...and my head and I have been thinking.
What do you do with the good times?
Has anyone else ever asked themselves that question? I have friends in my life that, if the friendship ended tomorrow, I would be telling stories about them to my grandkids. I realized that a few days ago in regards to Ian (Papi on my top friends list). If it weren't for Ian I'm not sure that I would really even be in this world anymore. I don't think I show him enough appreciation to be honest, but his friendship was one of the reasons that I kept fighting, kept going to treatment, tried to take better care of myself. He was one of those people that helped to make life worth living. Ian wasn't the only one who fit into this category, there were certainly two other people, Amber and Lizz, but I think that I show them a lot of appreciation, I just show Ian abuse. :)
When we first met, and when people first meet us, I think they wonder how we're such good friends. At first glance it doesn't seem like we have a whole lot in common, but when you get to know us you realize we're a little more alike than is maybe comfortable. My friendship with Ian is one of those rare things friendships that you don't find very often, and I know that regardless of how it ever ends, if it ever ends (I can see us bartending together in a retirement home, running our wheelchairs into one another) that I'll still always hold the memories we've made near and dear to me.
But this isn't about Ian, or about any friendship that could end well. I'm wondering what you do with those friendships that end horribly. What started out as a great friendship grew into something that was more than friends, and less than being a couple. It ended ugly, with childish treatment on both sides (returning stuff through a mutual friend), and some nasty messages flowing from one person to the other.
So, despite my passing anger, I wonder. I mean, we shared some things that I enjoyed. God knows I'm not going to stop attending the church she introduced me to, because I enjoy the services there. I'm not going to stop going to some of the places we would go regularly to eat. Sure, they might have been places she introduced me to, but I like the pizza over at that one place. :) I'm going to want to share that with someone who is actually important in my life, because it was good food and I liked the place.
I've taken the things she left behind and packed them up, unable to decide between using them as firestarter material or donating them to Goodwill. I've removed from my room and my house anything that I was keeping around for her or her daughter (who is totally blameless and adorable, but reminds me of her).
But what do you do with those memories? I certainly had fun. What do you with those nights where you kill three hours in bed, doing things I won't write about, right after leaving church and before going to work. (Yes, I understand the hypocrisy of going from church to home to do those things, thanks for understanding God is perfect, but I'm human.)
It seems like if I see something, or hear something, that reminds me of one of those good memories, it's followed swiftly by some memory that makes me want to punch an effigy. :) I'm far better off now than I was two weeks ago, the loss of negative influences in my life has made me happier, healthier, and tons more fun to be around. Truthfully, everything has improved since then, the job situation is better, the relationships with my real friends are better, everything is better, but what do you do with those memories.
I kinda wish I could call the Haitian in and have him pluck some of those things out of my head. (I hope you all watch Heroes and got that reference. If you don't watch it you've now missed two seasons and need to get on the ball!)
But I'm curious...what do you do with those memories? How do you handle those things? Do the bad things eventually stop popping into your head? Does the disappointment that comes from thinking you know someone and then being totally wrong go away? I had some fun times in three months, and I'd like to remember the fun times without the crappy attitude, bad times, and lies that seem to pop into my head right after them.
On a side note...I am again making an effort to quit smoking. It may sound weird, but I switched from my regular Marlboro Light Menthols, to the regular Marlboro Menthols, in an effort to quit smoking. I don't like them as much, and therefore I've been smoking far less over the last three days.
I'm getting into the car on December 23rd to drive to Texas, and when I get in that car I will be accompanied by a large bottle of Pepsi and a big bag of Combos, but no cigarettes. I will be a non-smoker again by that time...
God willing... |
|
|
| Long quizzy thing from Roly... |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|11:46 am] |
1) Are you an Aunt/Uncle?
Yes I am...two nieces and a nephew...wait...three nieces, my little brother just had his first.
2) Can you do a cartwheel?
Ummmm...can you pick me up afterwards?
3) What was the last movie you saw in theaters.
Enchanted...I went with a four year old.
4) Do you eat vegetables regularly?
Yeah...I eat at Soup Plantation quiet a bit.
5) If you were going to get a body piercing, where would you get it?
Probably my tongue.
6) Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex?
Mostly.
7) What is the weather like right at this very moment?
Cold...but not raining like it was before.
8) What is something that you can't wait for?
Hard to say.
9) How many times have you been to Canada?
A couple.
10) Have you ever had a reptile as a pet?
I had some Bearded Dragons at one point.
11) What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
12) What song is on your myspace profile right now?
Cablecar, but it's not the original recording, it's an acapella cover.
13) Who was your last missed call on your cell phone?
Lizz
14) Where are you most ticklish?
Feet.
15) How many hours a week do you normally work?
Ten or fifteen hours.
16) Who's your number 1 on myspace?
My sister Lisa...my top line is all family, and they're in family order.
17)Do you have deep dark secret?
Plenty.
18) When was the last time you were sick?
This whole last week.
19) What color is your car?
Green
20) How many siblings do you have?
Three...two older sisters and a younger brother...look at the first three people on my friends list.
21) Have you ever gotten caught sneaking out?
Yeah...but it was years ago.
22) Did you ever try running away from home when you were younger?
Not really.
23) What makes you the happiest?
My friends.
24) How do you feel when you see a child at the store throwing a "Tantrum"?
Most embarrassed. Those parents should get things right at home before they take the kid out. :)
25) Where do you want to be right now?
This is weird...but I kinda wish I was in Colorado for a few days.
26) Have you ever finished a Rubik's Cube?
Yeah.
27) When is the last time you drank too much?
Been about two months...
28) When was the last time you rode a bike?
I actually do that quite a bit now...when the weather is decent.
29) Do you have any vacation plans for this summer?
Nope.
30) Where were you 1 hour ago?
At my desk, writing that post about religion.
31) Who will be your next kiss?
No idea.
32) Do you kiss a lot of people?
This is a loaded question. I'm never kissing more than one at a time...
33) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope...but I should be. My feet are cold.
34) When was the last time you went out of state?
Not recently enough.
35) Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Nope, it was more than five days ago.
(where is 36??)
37) What are you wearing right now?
Yankees hoodie, fleece pants.
38) What was your last purchase?
Groceries. :)
39) Last thing you ate?
I'm on my third cup of herbal tea...but eating...oh wait...I had a sandwich yesterday.
40) Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Nope.
41) Are you a sexual predator?
Great question. :) Thanks for asking, but no.
42) What is in the backseat of your car?
Nothing...it's clean.
43. Three words to explain why you last threw up?
Don't remember the last time I threw up.
44. What is the equation for the Pythagorean theorem?
A squared + B squared = C squared
45. What was the last movie you watched?
Something New...it was recommended to me because of a dating situation. :)
46. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
Better than Bratz.
47. What kind of car does your father drive?
He was last driving a Nissan SUV.
48. Do you like scrabble?
Sorta
49. Where did you attend high school?
Westminster High, Westminster, CA.
50. Favorite scent?
Honey, roses, peaches.
51. Do you like mornings?
Some of them...not when it's this cold.
52. Last television program you watched?
Friday Night Lights.
54. Does your neighbor have an animal that annoys you?
Nope.
55. Does your family own any boats?
Nope.
56. Something you can't live without?
My cell phone.
57. Do you wear flip flops constantly?
I hate the darn things.
59. Do you have air conditioning in your room?
Yup.
60. Have you ever kissed your dog?
Of course.
61. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I slept through it.
62. How often do you read books?
I read about two novels a week.
65. Describe the computer you are currently using?
Mac Powerbook G4.
66. How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
An hour...sometimes ninety minutes.
67. Will you donate your organs after you pass?
Yup.
69. Would you ever get your nipple pierced?
Ouch.
70. If you could pick one person to be with forever who would it be?
Do I have to? I haven't met that person yet. |
|
|
| Religion...you may want to skip it... |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|11:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
DISCLAIMER!
As the title says, this post is about religion, so many of you may find it offensive. Please feel free to skip it now, delete me from your friends list, or flame me in the comment section. :)
END OF DISCLAIMER!
I am a good Catholic...and in my mind, by extension, a good person. Okay, maybe it is more appropriate to say that I strive to be a good Catholic, and by extension a good person. No one is perfect except God, but I do my best to live by the examples he set for us.
Being a good Catholic is important to me, and the Catholic Church is important to me, not just in my own personal life, but in my social life. I left the church once, when I was dating, and then eventually married, to Michelle. That difference in our lives, she wasn't raised in a religious family at all, was one of the things that led to our downfall. The baptism of my daughter was something that was important to me, even though I had left the church for a while, and to her it was not important, and was in fact, something she thought shouldn't happen at all. Her opinion was somewhere around the lines of "who are you to decide the religion of my daughter?"
Yeah...this was probably something we should have discussed before she got pregnant, but never once have I said that was intentional. I love my daughter, and am thankful that God added her to my life, but I certainly didn't see her plan when it was unfolding, and really don't totally understand it now.
Oh yeah, so Michelle and I get divorced...and Mary and I start dating. By this point I've been away from the church for four years or so, and Mary and I weren't exactly what you would call "Good Catholics", but it didn't bother me then because I'd been away for so long...That's not to say that either one of us were bad people...I bear her no ill will. Things were what they were, and I learned from her, grew as a person, and had some good times.
Mary's family was Catholic though, and I remember attending Christmas services with them. This was important to me because I was fresh off the fight with Michelle over religion. It was nice to know that if for some reason it was long-term and Mary and I ever ended up together it was one thing we wouldn't fight over.
It was after Mary and I broke up, and more important, during cancer treatments last year, that I finally really returned to the church.
I know, the hypocrisy of that might be horrible. During cancer treatments I chose to return to God. That's sort of the point of this post today. Can you be a good Catholic if you're turning to God only in times of need? How many of us consider ourselves good Catholics, or good Christians, yet we only find ourselves in prayer when we need something?
Isn't it important to find time in our lives to thank God for what he has given us? Even when we're having times of trial, when we're asking God for his help with something, shouldn't we also take the time to thank God for what he has given us?
I found myself asking God for his help a lot in the last few weeks of the relationship with Erin. She had become, how do you put this nicely, emotionally unstable? We've broken off contact since the day after Thanksgiving, which is cool. I mean, I don't miss the headaches or the heartaches...but when I went to God and asked his help in getting over this I realized that I forgot to do something...
I forgot to take time to thank him for everything else. I forgot to thank him for my health. I forgot to thank him for the wonderful people who are my roommates and best friends. I forgot to thank him for my family.
Why do we do this? Do we all do this? Have I babbled for a long period of time and you're now all thinking that I'm crazy?
Well...it's time to go be productive. I hope you're all having a good time, and if you're a person who does prayer, make sure to say thanks next time you're doing it. If you have an extra second, thank Him for me too, I don't seem to do it enough. |
|
|
| Update... |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|06:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | XM 32 - The Message | ] |
My absences are getting shorter, and my posts are getting more consistent! Yay me!
Last time I was here I posted that little quiz about seven shows and your favorite characters. Tristanter ruined it for most of you when she nailed either four or five of them. I went back and wrote about the characters that she got right, so you can all laugh at the way my brain works there.
I can't tell you how weird it feels to be typing on a full-size keyboard right now. I've been a laptop user forever, but one of my roommates is out of town and his computer is in the garage taking up space. I was going to use the very impressive and expensive computer to play some WoW, then I decided I would come here instead. I type pretty well on my laptop, but I love the way my fingers just fly over a real keyboard. I took one of those goofy typing tests for a job recently and they said I'm over 70wpm with over 90% accuracy. Makes me happy...
So...Turkey Day...or as I like to call it...
An American Celebration of the Slaughter of Indigenous Peoples
I know, I understand why we went with Thanksgiving instead...it's a lot shorter.
I spent the day with Erin's family. Erin is the girl I'm sort of dating. It's definitely not serious, and probably not moving that way very quickly, but we hang out, do stuff together, talk a lot. It's dating...but it's not a couple thing. :)
It was a lot of fun. She was raised by her grandparents, who I had met at church already, and the event took place at their house. Grandma's sister was there, I guess that would be Erin's great-aunt...right? I don't know...but Grandma's sister, her husband, their kids...etc...
All in all it was 20 people or so jammed into a double-wide in one of those cute little Active Senior Communities. Not all of them were family, as some of the residents of the community don't have family around, so they got invited to join the celebration with us. It was cute. Erin has a daughter whose birthday falls around Thanksgiving every year, she'll be four Sunday, and it seemed like every elderly couple in the complex knows her. They all hug her, and say hello to her...it was cute.
So, yeah...most of the standard Thanksgiving fair. There was turkey, cranberry stuff, mashed potatoes, etc. There was also some stuff I'd never really thought of as Thanksgiving food too. The stuffing had carrots and dried cranberries in it, which was different for me. There was really yummy, home-made, mac and cheese...which was amazing. There was prime rib, which seems more like a Christmas thing to me...but what do I know?
So yeah, met lots of family...seemed to get along with them. Her grandmother will be gone for Christmas, but grandma's sister asked me to please join them for Christmas, which means I won't spend this Christmas like I did last...sitting at home alone playing video games.
The holidays this year can't possibly be as bad as they were last year...but I must say I find myself actually happy right now...looking forward to them even.
Hope everyone else had a great turkey day as well! |
|
|
| From rolypoly |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|10:41 pm] |
1. Post a list of seven TV shows you love (current or canceled).
2. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each show.
3. When guessed, bold the line and write a little bit about why you like that character.
1. Buffy
2. Angel - Wesley (Guessed by Tristanter)
Wesley is one of those characters I love because of the growth he exhibited. He went from being Wesley Wyndham Price, the update, not very efficient, Watcher with two Slayers. Then he became the "Rogue Demon Hunter" who still wasn't very good at anything. As he grew into himself through the passage of five seasons I started to love this character.
3. Heroes - Officer Matt Parkman (Tristanter)
Parkman is one of those characters I love because I feel like he really cares about the people around him. He wants to do the right thing, and he tries to do the right thing. Sometimes this can be tough for him, because he can control people's minds, and that ability comes with certain temptations.
4. Veronica Mars - Logan Echolls (Tristanter)
What made Logan my favorite character was that through everything that happened, nothing ever really changed for Logan. He loved Veronica, he just had no idea how to properly express it. I've been stuck in that type of relationship, where everything should be easy, but really nothing is. They both care for one another, but they both communicate so horribly they really have no idea. Logan, much like me, makes poor decisions, but he makes them because he cares, and because he wants to do right...most of the time.
5. How I Met Your Mother - Barney (Tristanter)
Barney just rocks. He makes me laugh every single week. Can't ask for more than that. The honorable mention here is Robin...she's smoking hot and Canadian.
6. Friday Night Lights
7. Smallville - Lex (Tristanter)
This one is actually tough. Lex was my runaway favorite for five seasons. Then season six happened...and now season seven, and I'm just not sure I even really enjoy the show anymore.
Have fun...I promise I will write about why they're my favorite characters. :) |
|
|
| Writing... |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|10:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | irritated | ] |
You know me, I'm writing just to write. :)
I got back on the rollerblades tonight, and met some other people who play hockey, so this Saturday I'm going to roll out of bed way early and go play a little pick-up game at 8:30 in the morning. It should be good for me. I was able to move laterally on the skates tonight, but since I didn't have pads with me I don't know how well I'll be able to butterfly, or move side to side.
Tomorrow night I'm thinking I'll take all the pads with me and strap them on, see if I can do it. What's the worst that can happen, right?
So...we sorta hit the first rough patch tonight in the saga with the new girl. We ran into some friends of her, because we went to the pool hall she used to hang out at. She still knew some of the employees although she hadn't been there in years...but when she introduced me she said.
"This is my friend John."
Yeah...so I felt like shit. I mean, there are people who she's around all the time who she isn't ready to tell what's going on, but these are people she hasn't seen in years. I understand not telling everyone what's going on, but when you randomly wander into a place and see people you haven't seen in years, why would you do this?
Then she tells me she's going out with some of her friends tonight, including her roommate. This is the roommate who is trying to set her up with someone else from her work. But she tells me she doesn't want me to come along, even though one of the employees at the bar she's going to has been hitting on her. She tells me that it doesn't matter though, and she says "I'm already dating the only person I'm interested in."
Yeah...so...whiskey tango foxtrot?
I'm annoyed...and I hate it when I get annoyed by stupid stuff.
That's all I want to talk about now. I'm out of here... |
|
|
| From my phone... |
[Nov. 10th, 2007|01:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
So, this post might come out a little funny looking. Erin is in the house getting ready for church, and I'm outside smoking. Curiousity got the better of me and I decided to see if I could do this from my phone.
Guess I can. That makes me happy, because now I can write random posts anywhere!
So yeah...today I did something I hadn't done since I moved to California. I strapped on the K2's and went rollerblading. For those of you who know how horrible my knees are you understand what a feat this is.
Erin owns a pretty nice pair of skates, which she didn't really know how to use before today, so we started working on that. Now she can move forwards and kinda turn...which is progress. Go her!
Well...I'm going to hit the shower and get ready for church now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
spikeindenver's journal